What is woven

It’s taken me a while to get back to this post, “today” was last Friday.

Today was a big day.  Today was just like any other day.  But it was a big day.  Two wonderful years at kindy have come to an end, and it is the day where we step out of one bubble , and into the next, with the hope it will be as safe and indestructible as this one has been.

If you knew Izzy before you’ll know just how much her life has changed.  Not just her name and her gender marker, but her whole way of being.  Being affirmed as a female allowed Izzy to step out into the light and my god does she shine!  She was given the space to shine at her kindy.  Her teachers waited patiently and when the light began to show through they welcomed it, encouraged it and celebrated it with us.

Leaving this wonderful place today, another mum asked me – do I feel sad to be leaving it behind?  The answer is – no, I don’t.  Kindy has given me something much greater than a dependence, they’ve given my child the skills and the tools to move on to her next place in the world.  They’ve helped to provide her with a super strong sense of self.  They know her, and to be truly known is one of the most important gifts you can receive.  They’ve cemented my belief that being open about your weaknesses and honest about your needs, leads to receiving help to strengthen that which is weak and fill that which is needed.

When I say “kindy” has given us these things, of course it is the wonderful supervisor, as she calls herself (I think pillar of support and wisdom probably more apt) and teachers that I am actually referring to.  It’s not kindy itself, it’s the people who make it special.  I will miss these people and I will keep in touch, but leaving them behind is a part of life – they continue to work their magic and it is a wonderful feeling to know that they are out there doing what they do.

So while I feel I’ve had to say a goodbye of sorts, it’s less of a door closing than another one opening.  I’m excited to see how the people and experiences through this new door will enrich Izzy’s life and how she might enrich theirs.

I’ve written before about the bubbles we exist in, but today I feel like it’s more of a grand tapestry – Izzy’s has only just begun in it’s creation, each experience will add to it’s design and we have no idea how it will end up looking.  I can see it in my mind’s eye though – a life of joy, tempered by sadness and loss, as everyone’s lives are, but dominated by joy.

Here’s to open doors!



Headaches and kufuffles

There’s this really nasty tension headache that’s been imposing itself upon me the last few days.  Really nasty.  So nasty in fact that I had to ask Harry to come home from work early yesterday.  With some peace and quiet the headache faded back into a dull ache, but during a phone call to our GP just now,  it’s threatening a full scale return.

I’ve got Freddie sitting/lying on the arm of the chair next to me, humming and thumping his foot to the tune of the Irish national anthem (of course), it’s pulsating through my head and I feel like screaming.  

Last week the kids appointment letters arrived regarding their tonsillectomies set for May.  Yup, just as school goes back I’ll have the two monkeys back at home for a week.  Why my wish for them to be operated on during the holidays was not granted, I will never know.

But anyway, I digress.  Freddie’s letter was all good, but Izzy’s was addressed to the wrong freaking person – yus, having changed her NHI details in one excruciatingly revealing conversation some months back, and having since received all hospital correspondence with the correct details, we now, just a couple of weeks away from her op’ discover she is now a he.  Excuse my swearing, but FARK!

Long story short, it turns out SOMEONE has changed her record back to her birth name and gender and written on it in capital letters, actual capital letters – DO NOT CHANGE THIS CHILD’S DETAILS.  Who the hell did that I don’t know, but I wonder if they could even come close to guessing the extreme anguish and distress it has caused?

My GP discovered this info for me, because a “member of the public” can’t contact this particular office.  Even though it was this member of public who requested the name/gender marker change in the beginning.  The lady she spoke to said that if the family gives their consent then she is happy to change the record, BUT because there is this note on there she can’t until she’s spoken to the Ministry of Health.  Now the Ministry of Health says in their policy on transgender health care, that it is a human right for trans patients to have their records changed to reflect their name and gender and that no ‘proof’ of being transgender is required.  So who was it?  Why didn’t they just contact me, or our GP if there was some sort of problem?  Surely it’s a breach of Izzy’s human rights for this to have been done without our knowledge?

So yes, tension headache is returning, but two days running I can’t get Harry home early, so I’m ploughing on through.

On the bright side we celebrated Izzy’s last day at kindy today.  More on that later.

The big five

Izzy passed a new milestone – she turned a fabulous, glamorous, glorious five years old!

We celebrated with a pile of her little friends and cousins and their mum’s (plus a couple of brave dads) on a Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago and man was it lovely!  The kids played outside, sat happily at the table making masks, grazed on the party food and loved the bubble machine.  You can’t go wrong with bubbles, you really can’t.  There was a piñata and no one got a black eye.  No one!

The cake even turned out okay, and my cakes rarely turn out ok. Like when Iz turned two,  I had a disaster of a cake situation.  The first cake (yup I baked two) sank, and I mean really sank, like the crater on Mt Eden “sank”. So I whizzed up another one, like any dedicated mother right?  It OVERFLOWED in the oven!  I didn’t realise until the smoke started billowing through the house!  Not a good cake story.  I ended up covering the crater of the first in icing and chocolate fingers.

This year I decided to buy a sponge and put all my effort in to decorating the bugger, but what the heck?  When I went to the supermarkets (three different ones) to buy the sponge and to get the edible flowers which I wanted to coat in sugar and use as decoration – none of the trio stocked either!  So I searched Foolproof birthday cake and came up with a questionable recipe – put all the ingredients into the cake mixer, and mix.  This is my new go to cake recipe, and I’m sorry to say – the Hummingbird Cafe “Cake Days” recipe book has been pushed to the back of the bookcase, no longer will it taunt me with delicacies I’m just not competent enough to produce!!

All that aside, the window dressing that is, the very best thing about the party was seeing Izzy so happy, so at ease with her peers, so full of joy.  I can’t put in to words how incredible it has/is been to witness such a huge change in our child – Harry and I can only shake our heads and smile. The kind of smile that makes your face sore.  That kind of smile.  It’s honestly such an amazing feeling.

It feels like forever ago when I wrote Feeling the love rejoicing the dramatic change in Izzy’s behavior, being able to relax in playgrounds, not worrying about my child attacking someone else’s.  No.  Those days are long gone and the party was another reminder of just how powerful affirming Izzy as a girl was.

The other thing the party reminded me, was of the support and acceptance we’ve received from the families at kindy, if any of you are reading this – Thank you from the bottom of my heart!  I know you think, it’s no big deal, but it actually is.  Val, the teachers and you beautiful kindy parents (and my school friends) were my haven during those really hard early days when we were navigating Izzy’s transition and at the same time, dealing with the rejection from members of my family.  You’ve never questioned our decision or demanded explanations, or set out conditions.  Nothing changed with you guys except the name you called my child.  Thank you.

So now the kid is five.  Fabulous, glamorous, glorious five.