Lizzie Marvelly: Our toilets are the new battleground

It’s good to be in an empty house, sitting with a cup of tea when you read these sorts of articles.

That’s where I am now.  It’s 11am on a beautiful Saturday morning.

My home has been alive with constant chatter and creative energy, since 630am.  Izzy has watched 45 mins of her favourite YouTube show – CookieSwirlC, eaten breakfast, created an amazing house on wheels out of Duplo, reorganised her bedroom, dressed twice, had her nails done by Harry and filled in the rest of the time with hugs and kisses.  Freddie started the day with a rare cuddle, returned to bed to study his atlas, watched YouTube videos of Mt Ruapehu erupting, searched for his walkie talkies, designed a birthday flyer for Esme, got dressed in clothes best suited for winter, redressed in something similar but less fleece, and assembled his volcanologist kit.  Harry has been out to do the grocery shopping, I’ve baked cookies, packed lunches and filled the ice block molds in between responding to requests for help from the two creative geniuses that have the run of our home.

This is a NORMAL family!  These are normal things that happen in our family.  Then I sit down and read this in the paper and I think how the abnormal lurks just on the fringe of our society.  How the abnormal seem to have so much time on their hands beats me?  How do people have the time, between doing all this normal family shit, that surely can’t just be going on in my home, to be soooo concerned about other people’s PRIVATE business of where they go for a wee???

And I realised, this is the crap (you guys in the states are dealing with this big time I know) we need to look out for.  To YOU family, to You friends, to you other mum’s at school, at kindy, to you who support and accept Izzy, please read this article from the NZ Herald.

Let it sink in.

Think about what it means and decide, now, which side of the line you stand.  Because you who support Izzy, loud and proud or quietly and from a distance – you are her allies and by extension you are allies to transgender kids everywhere.  I ask that if you hear this fear mongering, this hate talk, this BS, SPEAK UP!  Tell the person as politely as you can, that you don’t agree with them.  Be calm, be fierce, be whatever, but please don’t be silent.

Somewhere between the broken soap dispenser, the constantly dripping tap and the hand drier that hasn’t worked in about 20 years, it appears that you’ll now find conservative lobby group Family First lurking in the background to ensure each girl who pops in for a wee between classes has the type of genitalia up her skirt that Family First deems appropriate.

Click here to read the rest of the article from NZ Herald



    • Last night I watched Reggie Yates (British documentary maker), he’s doing a three part series in Russia, the second part is on the LGBT community. Kat it was horrifying, they have no rights and no protection. There is the homosexual anti-propaganda law, it’s punishable by prison to expose under 16 year olds to any LGBT information. The police and court system offer no protections or redress for hate crimes. I had no idea such backward and vile hatred could be so mainstream in any modern society and watching it I realised what danger you and countless Americans face and how quickly hate and fear spread.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I can’t help thinking that groups like Family First are full of “mild sociopaths” – they can’t cope in a wide and diverse society, but they can cope in like-minded communities, so they lobby and protest to mould society into their own comfort zone. It’s like they admit that human nature is complicated (and therein lies the beauty of it), but their brains just can’t, or won’t, process it. It’s a pity they can’t seem to look past the “what” and into the “who”- life’s too short to make enemies over something so arbitrary.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think there is quite a bit more “depth” (on all sides) to this issue than most people comprehend and I also think that this:

    ~”Think about what it means and decide, now, which side of the line you stand”~

    Is not such a great idea, not very conducive to a harmonious existence.

    Demanding things of people (at least in my experience) generally only serves to alienate. I think it is better to genuinely listen to the other side, assess wether their concerns are truly valid and then assess wether a compromise can be made. I think the solution/compromise that causes minimal suffering for the fewest of people is probably the best possible solution.

    When I was transitioning, until I was certain that I would not make anyone feel uncomfortable or threatened, I used single stall/disabled toilets/bathrooms. I was never assaulted/confronted in the process of doing that, and I always managed to get my “business” done.

    Did that make me a little “sad”?….

    yes, sometimes.

    It is NOT everyone else’s fault that I was born different.

    I absolutely wish that I had NOT been born different, but that is NOT the case, and I AM different. Different doesn’t have to mean “bad”, or less “valid” as a human, different is just different. It only has to matter if people/you think it does.

    To the writer of this blog and to parents who feel they have a stake in this argument:

    Please calm down.

    Your child is completely 100% Natural.

    They are a part of nature. Neither they nor YOU are flawed in principle (they are physically flawed but again, that occurs quite commonly, as a part of nature)

    You didn’t “fail”. (yet)

    Teach them about themselves and others. Teach them to understand others and how to manage themselves and their situation so as not to alienate others and influence/promote their own ostracisation.

    If the world is to accept them and they are to accept themselves, then YOU need to be completely comfortable with them and their situation first

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s a very thoughtful and wise response Rachel, though I often feel in your comments on my blog that you have me pigeonholed as a mother who doesn’t yet fully accept the way her child is and I wonder if that particular angle you project serves to support or educate or rather to answer a doubt you have about yourself?

      When I see discrimination of any kind my instinct is to call it out for what it is. Black Lives Matter. Refugees have a right to asylum. Woman have a right to equal pay for equal work. All children have a right to a good education. When I write “decide what side of the line you stand”, yes that has the potential to alienate but it also has the potential to cause individuals to stop and think.

      Izzy has the great fortune to be surrounded by people who have done just that. Stopped and thought and decided which side they stand. Izzy hasn’t had a battle, not to say that she won’t face one in the future, but other people are faced with discrimination and whether that be because of the colour of their skin, the income of their parents, the country of their birth, the God they praise/ or don’t praise… I think it’s unacceptable and unnecessary.


      • Ok, my apologies, I forgot to lead with my standard disclaimer:

        “I am not perfect, I am also no-one special. I don’t know you, nor your child, nor your situation, so it is entirely possible that I’m 100% incorrect, and have NO EF’ing idea what I’m on about.

        It’s is entirely possible that you (plural, not singular, not directed at anyone in particular, but anyone who might find my comment relevant to them) and your child are the exception to every rule.

        And it’s also entirely possible that I’m projecting my experiences onto others because I don’t believe things could be any different or that others may be more fortunate than I am/was”.

        Hopefully that should cover it 😉


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