Lou and I were talking the other day, about Izzy. Lou said she just sees Izzy now and can barely remember/believe she’s ever been anyone else. I said, it seems like something I dreamt – having had a boy.
It’s not a terrible feeling, but it’s strange.
The other day we were doing a bit of art n craft, as ya do, and Izzy decided she needed a frame to display her work. All of our pictures and photos are sitting in a bag in the cupboard, because we’ve been planning to paint the walls, for the last three years. Anyway, Izzy grabbed one with a photo of that Dream Boy in it. She sat at the table, turned the frame over and carefully removed the photo and handed it to me. My heart was, a little bit, in my mouth so it was difficult to speak, but I managed to ask – what would you like me to do with that Iz? She looked up thoughtfully, and said – Mum, tuck it away somewhere safe. I’m going to have a boy and a girl when I’m grown up and I’m going to call the boy *****. It’s a nice name, she said.
If it feels strange, and like a dream to me, her mum. What must it feel like for Izzy and for other children just like her. I’ve noticed lately that she’s become thoughtful rather than angry when she hears reference to the days gone before. I hope it’s because she’s found a place in her heart to keep those memories and a safe place in her mind to process them. I hope that as she grows, she’ll hold these experiences in her with grace and use them to accept and love others.