Reblogged from Growing Up Transgender – Sticks and Stones

I came across a blog I’ve not read before called Growing Up Transgender.  The author is a mum of a young girl just like Izzy, and the post I stumbled across resonated with me, not just because of this fact, but because I am her getting down to the comments section.  I know I shouldn’t look, but I do and just like her my heart is broken but I can’t tear my eyes away.  Just like hear I wonder if I should respond, try to persuade, even one person, that I’m not a monster and my kid’s okay – and like her, I know it’s futile.  

So reading her post, and the answers she has for these commenters was wonderful.  I highly recommend you read it through.

‘Another week, another article on transgender children and their “crazy” / “abusive”/ “attention seeking” parents. Even when articles are not actively offensive and transphobic (as so very many are), they retain a heavy tone of scepticism and judgement. And then I get down to the comments section…

I know I shouldn’t look. I know there’s nothing there I want to see. I know I will leave in tears. But somehow, I can’t help myself. Partly, I want to learn what views are being shared, to try to understand what people are saying and, once I start, I’m so horrified, I’m unable to look away. A bigger driver though, is the knowledge that in a few years’ time my child will be the one on the internet. She won’t be able to look away, and I won’t be able to protect her. And the hurt I feel now will be nothing compared to the hurt she will feel when she realises how the world views her. It breaks my heart.’

Click below to continue reading

Sticks and Stones –



  1. This is just a thought for you, do with it as you will.

    Do you hear the word “Transsexual” used often these days?

    I’m sure you hear “transgender” used quite a lot, are you able to tell me the difference between the two terms (?) and are you able to tell me how you believe each term does/may end up applying to Izzy?

    Keep your chin up!


    • Hi, thanks for your question: Do you hear the word Transsexual used often these days? Hmmm, no I don’t. I’m no expert but from what I’v read I understand that the terms are pretty much equal – but I suspect the change from one to the other is due to the (not so recent) understanding that gender identity is separate from sexual identity and this being the case the term Transexual is probably thought now as misleading and not very helpful.

      I hope that answers your question.


  2. Someone else (particularly someone trans) might want to pipe up but this is my understanding . . .

    In literature from 20-30 years ago, the term ‘transsexual’ seemed to be the most common term. Nowadays, some older trans people still use it but it seems like most don’t and it comes across as a bit outdated. This is partly because sexuality and gender are now commonly understood to be different things (even though for adults they might be interrelated). ‘Sex’ is about biology and ‘gender’ is about identity. I’ve heard some people explain the distinction by saying “sex” is what’s between your legs and “gender” is what’s between your ears.

    So the term ‘transsexual’ focuses on ‘the operation’ and kind of suggests a focus on genitals and secondary sexual characteristics. ‘Transgender’ is a term that acknowledges the gender that people identify with. Older people might or might not have had ‘the surgery’ (although actually there are lots of surgeries) but it’s not usually polite to ask, as it’s not the most important thing about the way someone identifies. Izzy (and incidentally, my son) are transgender, under these categories. However, they’re not transsexual. As they are children (and prepubescent) it’s too early to know if they will ever be.

    I hope this makes sense and I hope others will jump in if there’s anything in this that’s not quite right. The other thing I’ve learned (since my son transitioned two years ago) is that the language around gender identity is evolving very rapidly. (Even two years ago it seemed like most people were using the term trans* to indicate the umbrella of identities that might fit this label. But I haven’t seen anyone use trans* in a while now).

    Because of this, I reckon it’s polite to be patient if someone doesn’t understand or know how to use the right terms. Most people are, though . . .


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