A new day and a new fixation

I really needed to get that last post written.  It’s been eating away at me for a while, and when a geographically distanced niece stuck her two bits in…well that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I’m so glad I got it out because getting it out, sharing it, made it possible to let it go.  Or at least begin letting it go.

I saw my brother this afternoon, at the petrol pump.  My heart didn’t even start racing, maybe I’ve started to let go of him too?  I don’t know, but it was nice not to walk away in tears.  My head’s stopped pounding.  Stopped trying to process this confusing situation we’re in.  It’s like I’m on a little holiday from it all.  Thank goodness for this blog, and thank goodness for the kindness and support that comes through it.

So a funny thing, Freddie possibly has a new fixation developing – church!  Now because of the chatter in my head recently I can’t pinpoint the moment this fixation began forming, but a couple of days ago he casually mentioned he might like to go to church with Nana and just, well, you know, check it out.  Last term he came home from a sleepover at Nana’s with a new purchase – a necklace with a silver cross.  He had seen Nana’s and decided it was something he wanted to have.  Then came the questions –  why was he in the “Cultural Stories” and not “Bible Studies” group at school  (Freddie’s school offers the choice, Bible or Cultural, once a week for half and hour.  Not been religious we chose Cultural Stories).  Why did we not go to church?  Do we believe in God?  …

Anyway, Freddie’s convinced Nana she should take him to church this weekend.  I am saying now – he will LOVE it!  What’s not to love for a kid that sucks up new experiences like a vacuum on speed.  He’ll come home and recreate everything he’s seen.  He’ll have the “alter” set up, the chalice, the special cloths.  He’ll find a way to create a priest’s cassock, he’ll insist we make him a collar. He’ll develop an interest in Latin.  He’ll notice all those strange rituals I never noticed as a kid, how the priest turns the chalice round and carefully wipes it between parishioners, how he folds the cloth.  Oh my, Freddie’s going to ask to light some candles.  He’ll want incense…  This is the beginning of a new fixation, I tell you now.

In the car on the way home today, Freddie was telling Izzy how he would be attending church on Sunday with Nana.  He went on to say that he believed in God and his son Jesus and all the stories, but the one thing he had heard that he definitely did not believe in was the fact that God created Man.  “Now that Izzy, is ridiculous.  Monkeys created man”.  A loud GAUFFUF from the front seat.  Izzy asked Freddie “Freddie, how did Monkeys do that?”  Freddie checking with me first “Mum, was it monkeys or apes?  Izzy, monkeys turn in to men”.  Izzy can’t believe her ears!

And so it starts…



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