Searching for answers

Izzy has this new habit – somewhere between 5 and 6am she pads silently into my room, somehow I always sense her movement and wake before she arrives.

She takes my hand and we go back to her bed. More often than not she’s done with sleeping and spends the next half hour presenting her case for starting the day.  But sometimes, like this morning, she snuggles down and goes back to sleep.  I love these days.

When Izzy wakes in the morning, she’s fully awake and ready with a question or a request.  This morning her first words had a power. A power in them that made my heart skip and my mind race.

“Mum why can’t boys have babies?” I did my best to explain. She said “Mum why did you do me a boy’s body? You should have done me a girl’s body, because in my heart I’m a girl and I really want to have a baby”.

So at 6am this morning I found myself explaining the adoption process to my 4 year old.  That lead to more questions ” But mum, why would a mother not want her own baby? Why would she give it away?”

I don’t want to tell my baby that some Mummies die, or that because of the inequality in our world some mothers can’t afford to feed their babies or that some mums are just too young and don’t yet want to be mums or worse still that some mums have their babies forcibly removed and spend the rest of their lives grieving their loss.

So I didn’t.   I just said, that one day she will have beautiful babies and be a wonderful mother.

Thanks Mum, she said.

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